2020 and the challenges we face

So this comes as a universal experience for the mass of the human population facing 2020 with the usual threats of existence, survival, politics, economic safety and dealing with physical and mental health.Here's my take on what I have been thinking and experiencing so far within the year.

2020 started with the usual tones of winter, school/class activities for kids and the humdrums of work and life in general. Come February, and we had absolutely no concerns or awareness about the COVID outbreak though there was an increasing information about something growing and spreading around the world. Few of my colleagues with travel plans were anxious to go forward or postpone travel to India and back amidst the rising concerns. Come March and the level of awareness of the virus reaching Seattle and New York started to settle among us but with still no alarming sense of disrupting our daily routine. On a different note, the economic uncertainties were more or less inherent for me with anxieties about my particular team, organization and forecast for the year. From late 2019 there were worries about my job and prospects as our product was struggling and there were pressures to deliver more features and corporate cost cutting by moving work off shore.

Getting further into March, the first signs of disruption emanated from Seattle as they started advising folks to work from home or limit movement with the rising cases. We had an office there so it was a frequent concern although everyone seemed to get pass it and focusing on the their work. The threat of spreading to Atlanta and mostly carried via the international travelers started raising the anxieties to send school to kids or keep coming to work. And all of a sudden, the governor announced shutdown of all public school systems across Georgia. Few days into the kids home schooling and we also got the work notifications to stay home. I was mostly unaffected by the remote work guideline as I had been working with Seattle team though there were growing concerns about hospitality industry in general with the disruption to the global travel and impact to the businesses.

And April came with the domino effect. Covid turned out to be the nail in the coffin for our team as I was laid off on April 2nd in a hasty call with my supervisor and HR going over the severance terms and usual shenanigans. The disruption forced lot of organizations like mine to take those tough decisions of restructuring, attrition to stay afloat. Even my manager was not spared who spent last 8 years with our organization. This hasn't happened the first time to me but it was different as an experience as I had an inherent sense of understanding that everyone was impacted so we have to accept it as fate or act of God.

Nevertheless, a layoff is never pretty and the more immediate concerns started to haunt about getting a new job and the stringent immigration laws which unfortunately have been deteriorating in the Trump administration. There was relief to defer mortgage payments in the wake of the covid situation upto 90 days but the immediate existential threat was to secure my H1b within 60 days or leave the country. This is a major de-moralizer and takes a toll on your mental and physical health. With layoffs across the industries with the rising uncertainties and hiring freeze it became much more difficult to find work.

Besides, the rush to prepare for technical interviews and the increased competition from a large workforce without job caused more threats and worries. In a way, with my impending uncertainty from last few quarters and a dismal town hall from our CEO in 2019 Q4, it was an expected turn of events for me to look for a new job. Just that the timing was rapid and unannounced. It was really a race against time and to find your confidence and skills to ace the interviews and programming tests.

It opens another bag of anxieties to face the tech stack after 2-3 years as you got to keep abreast with latest skills needed, and navigate your way through the crazy asks from recruiters. Moreover, the challenges with algorithms, problem solving and thoroughness with programming problems all attack you. I lost my confidence to face big tech like Amazon, Google, Facebook as there are lot of rounds of coding/technical interviews and some of them were still advertising roles in a specific region not virtual.

I kept preparing for interviews and thankfully my last employer arranged for a month of career counseling with a professional firm to help me with my resume building, grooming, job hunting strategies which greatly benefited me in getting more insights. I had to take some programming tests and I fumbled in quite a few of them. With the clock ticking, I approached an old employer which is a consulting firm to get some contract work. It was chaotic for a while managing so many interviews, calls, emails but finally I landed a confirmed offer and accepted it in May with the brevity of time as there is lot of involved work in applying for immigration papers with an attorney.

I experienced another conflicting situation where I had to decide on another opportunity which was closer to home while still filing papers with the first offer. It was a week of confusion and eventually I goofed up on the hiring interview with the paired programming test and had resorted to the first offer. More importantly, I had to take and accept whatever came on my plate in these uncertain times.

So I secured my job and my work status but it brings back the frustrations of a broken immigration system of this country where I have to keep going back to an existential threat even after staying 16 years and getting my Masters education in a STEM field. People from India and China are screwed with the Green Card backlogs stuck in 2009 and no hope of getting ours in our lifetime. I do feel stupid, vulnerable and helpless as we have been going along with our lives, settled down, bought homes, raising kids and can't suddenly dismantle everything and head back to our home country.  There could be an improving situation in India with more vibrant sectors in economy, but there is lot of anxieties about gelling into the culture, making ends meet and getting kids and wife to adjust.

I don't have much choice with the environmental factors. If my time has come to return to my country I will gladly accept it but it is a major hit to sell home, dispose of everything and start again (literally). I am not alone, millions are in the same boat like me with one leg here and another craving to set foot. We keep hearing of people migrating to Canada but that also seems implausible now with my age and their point based merit system. Being in my 40s its not worth it now to move to Canada with family.

Well talking about how things impacted me so far there is this realization that a bigger movement shaped up recently and I ponder how do we connect to it. The Black Lives Matter movement garnered lot of steam with the Minneapolis incident and the widespread outrage among the communities across the country. I am very well aware about the racial past of this country and the broken promises and sufferings faced by the Black community. However, I feel invisible and inert to this movement as I don't know how to show my support or concerns about the civilian matters which hardly much rights entitled to us as non-immigrants.

I can sound selfish and mean but honestly, with the amount of surveillance, draconian policies rampant in this government, it is a threat to protest publicly. How some crazy psychopaths react and attack us and if any risks to our immigration status, will make me a very meek and timid person to show any resistance or protest. Also, I don't agree with all of the things happening in terms of looting, advantageous thefts, vandalism of public property, small businesses in the garb of these protests. What benefit do you get by burning shops, cars or robbing a store. Are you sending a message to the authorities that we won't let you run business as usual unless you bring a change to civil rights. I do agree with that. A change is badly needed but it has gotten better to where we were in the 60's in southern US.  And the police force badly needs reform with their unaccountable brutal conduct. A life lost is gone forever and no one has the right to kill someone. I also understand people are frustrated with the covid thing and all are venting out there anger to things at large.

I ponder back to the question, what can I do to show my support. Can I give money? Well I have been and I would love to donate money to good causes like hunger, poverty, support to victims. But to donate money to a political cause, I cannot do as I dont have a political visibility. It is a matter of civil rights for me too as I own a home, pay taxes, the circle of economy runs coz of tax paying people like me and yet I dont have any right to vote or show my public position on the challenges this nation faces.

When it comes to immigration, all the limelight and bad news is taken up by cross border illegal immigration. That deserves attention but look at how badly that has been handled by this administration.  People do exploit lame immigration laws. But there is a reason so many of the families are migrating on foot to enter the US. And its a well known fact the engine of economy depends on the labor force whic is supplemented with undocumented workers who work on petty wages. There are cases where they are a threat to US workers. But lot of US workers dont want to do those jobs. So why not give a work permit to anyone entering the US border and make sure they can get the right wages and are visible to the administration. That ways, they pay taxes and complete the economic equation.

Coming back to the chaos of legal immigration, like me millions are stuck in the work status situation as there is no stability, peace of mind without proper immigration status. I am a knowledge and skill worker. I dont take away job from another deserving American. Its a free market. A match of a skill and the industry is always random and fair. Lot of the tech industry report lack of workforce with right skills. I didn't come in this country to loot or exploit its resources. I did my part. Went to college. Paid the tuition fees and have been paying taxes last 15-16 years. I buy insurance of all kinds (health, auto, home, life) so I participate in the pillars of this economy. Then why the injustice and marginalization for us?

Its a civil rights movement for us too. America is not just black or white. It is brown and lot of other colors too.

My American Experience - In Progress

I have always been curious and passingly aware of the Civil War and the darkness embedded in the deep south with race relations and the horrors of Slavery. When I first came to this country, I landed at the Pacific coast in the golden state where the conversations and the way of life seems oblivious or untouched with the dark pasts of this country. California in perspective is a metaphor for the Great American Dream and Land of Opportunities which every immigrant comes with the mythical joy and charm to make it big.

With a pre-dominantly Spanish heritage and an expansive Latin population, life seems a fast track of speeding cars where all everyone cares about is reaching their goals, making some bucks and go to bed with that contentment of one's efforts for a better life. No one seems to waste their time hating each other, or dwell on the past and on the contrary, the cities thrive with the best of the continent's weather, scenery and travels. Living around my university campus in the vicinity of downtown LA, there are some striking realities of homelessness, violence infested neighborhoods and fears of mugging, carjackings and burglaries. And of course, the thriving presence of the Latin population in all social statuses gives you the perspectives of the different social structures visibly distinct in LA.

You have the affluent neighborhoods sprawling in the northern suburbs close to Hollywood and the poor latin/Black suburbs in the southern, central parts of LA. There are warnings and advisories in traveling by foot in the later parts of the day around downtown. I also happened to witness a shooting in broad day-light in the western parts of my campus where I was at a friend's rental accommodation, and someone just came out of a car in the house opposite to ours a few lots ahead, and shot someone in point blank range. Both subjects happened to be Black and we all ran inside while the sirens of cop vehicles diminished the whole scene.

Living in the northern campus which was deemed safer and Whiter by many peers, you could walk past the fraternities and sororities and notice the vibes of a college charm with weekend starting on Wednesdays, strolls of boys and girls hanging out in drink parties, walking around in groups of fun filled talks and exhibiting the plush spoils of bachelorhood in the primes of their youth. The white gentry pre-dominantly chose the Arts, Humanities, Law, Business and Cinema while we Asians, were mostly confined to the Engineering Divisions.

Getting around in LA without a car for a student can seems challenging with the limited amount of public transportation. The glimpses of the poor population in the bus rides made me ponder on the failures of a capitalist society with widespread poverty and limited opportunities to make a living in a sprawling urban dwelling. Going around the landscape, one can notice its a dense city and whole neighborhoods which portray a Latin way of life, with trucks lined with blue collar work, multiple families sharing a house and poorly maintained street infrastructure.

When I approached the end of my college days and the struggles to find a job began, I scrambled to pass a driving test on 3rd attempt and managed to get a used broken car on the college campus from a Korean Ph.D student in $900 cash. He told me car is not in good shape but looking at the cheap price I agreed to buy it. I took the car to a Mexican auto shop after I got a contact from a friend. He asked for cash and a day to fix the axles, belts and oils to make it work. I ended up paying him $450 after some heated negotiations and was joyous in driving the Hyundai Sonata around town. That was my first automobile experience in the US and I was thrilled to get around in a zip for groceries and speeding the freeways. I also had to get new tires with a total investment of $1900 in the vehicle. The car was really useful in getting me from USC to my office in Santa Monica for a good 3 months.

I happened to do my internship in Santa Monica and after my graduation,  my boss relocated me to Chicago to my employer's engineering office. I dreamed of traversing the 2000 mile journey in my recently acquired automobile discovering the American landscape and my boss in Chicago encouraged my to take the time in sightseeing the beauties of the interior US. My sister had fears and reservations on my adventure and forced my to sell my car and fly to Chicago instead. I reluctantly agreed and put an ad in Craigslist and soon got an interested buyer who wanted the car for his college going daughter. I managed to sell it for a cost of $1600. Looking at the time it helped me in LA, I had no grudges in losing $300.

My first experience of Chicago was a well laid out and laidback midWestern hub with a large European presence compared to LA. The suburbs were spread nicely with lot of diverse neighborhoods. My office mates in Chicago were all of Russian origin and in fact the cab I took from the airport had a Russian driver. It seemed a pretty common profession among the Russian immigrants to drive cabs who frequent the suburbs of Chicago. When I got my driving license and managed to finance a used car at a steeply high interest rate (12%) since I had hardly any credit history, I got my hands on my lllinois license plate with the proudly visible design of Land of Lincoln. From there started a keen drive to learn about Abraham Lincoln and his connection with Illinois.

Twenty Five

I realized a strange moving occurrence in my life as I have grown up and wanted to make some meaning of my movements. I have met people who have told me that they have lived at one place all their lives and I am completely baffled at persons like me. With traveling overseas for education, I can understand the nomadic way of life, but having my zip code changed almost every year calls for an introspection.

I was born and raised in New Delhi at 110028 (now I don't want to count my hospital zip code :). After six-seven years, my father acquired some housing loan to construct a house on a shared plot he bought with his friend. That brought me to 110012. I spent rest of my kid/teenage life here until I was almost 18 that we all decided to sell our house and move eastwards to expanding suburbs in Noida.
This was a strange time as I entered college in central India, so it was a dual displacement for me.

While I moved to Bhopal, my family was working on the move to Noida. So in a way that brought me to 201301 in Noida and 462010 in Bhopal. In my 4 years at the undergrad college, I moved to another zip code in terms of residence and college premises. We as roommates moved to 462001 and finally to 462023 and my college moved to 462022 as the management constructed a sprawling campus for the nascent institution.

Graduation brought me back to New Delhi and I spent four years in between my residence at 201301 and my office at 110020.

With dreams of higher education, I traveled to the United States to Los Angeles at zip code 90007. I spent two years in college at 90089. With a short stint of internship in Santa Monica, I spent few months at 90064 and finally headed to the midwest. In my two years near Chicago, I stayed at 60201, 60085 and worked at 60093. With the onset of 2009, I moved southwest to Texas country and stayed for an year at 78758 and 78750 while working at 78729. I had hardly finished an year in Texas that November moved me back to the midwest at Wisconsin on the shores of the Mighty Mississippi.
I spent an year at La Crosse living at 54603, 55947 and working at 54601.

2011 brought travels with it yet again and I moved to 37919 in Tennessee while working at 37831. Two years went by shuffling between these two zip codes when work made me move again to Texas country. I stayed at 77429 while working at 77070. This was a short stint and work brought me back to south east at Greater Atlanta. Currently I live at 30009 and work at 30022.


That brings my movement between twenty five zip codes! There could be many more people who have had a migratory life due to education/work but I was just curious to dig into this aspect of life.

Song: Chola Maati Ke Ram

Movie: Peepli Live


This is a surreal song with lot of philosophical undertones about life, pursuits and meaning of existence. Found this meaning of the lyrics on the internet and posting to share its beauty and depth.



Chola Maati Ke Ram

Ekar Ka Barosa, Chola Maati Ke Re


Meaning: Chola, body is like a chola (gown) made of matti (panchtatva / earth )...


Ke raam is used like the writer Ganga Ram Sanket)is talking to himself in third person.


Drona Jaise Guru Chale gaye, Kaaran Jaise Dani Sangai …. Kaaran Jaise Daani....

Bali Jaise Beer Chale gaye , Raavan jas Abhimani


Chola Maati Ke Ram

Ekar Ka Barosa, Chola Maati Ke Re


Meaning :gurus like dronacharya,dani(sacrificer, donor) like karan , veer(brave, heroic)like bali and Abhimani egoistic) like Ravan, all have gone died) thus understand that the body is made of earth every one eventually goes... all are mortal.


Kono Rahees Na, Kono Rahaebe Bahiya Hi Sab Ke Paarikh, ek Din Aayi Sab Pe Paari


Meaning : No one is rich no one can stay rich, Bhaiya (God) is every ones parikh (god gives every thing as per his judgement like a parikh or valuator does the valuation and give the value in return ), Every man gets his turn for this evaluation


Kaal Ko Nola Chode Naahin, Raja Rank Bikhari

Chola Maati Ke Ram

Ekar Ka Barosa, Chola Maati Ke Re


Meaning : Kaal (death)ka nola(will) .. Death does not spare any one may he be the king or popper ... Understand the body is made of juest earth/mud


Bhav se Paar Lagey parhe,The, Hari Ke Naam Sumarle

Sangi Hare Ke Naam Sumarle


Meaning : if u want to get out of this Bhav sagar (circle of life, take the name of God (Hari naam sumiran)


Aye Duniya Maaya Ke Re Pagla, Jeevan Mukti Kar Le

Chola Maati Ke Ram

Ekar Ka Barosa, Chola Maati Ke Re



Meaning : Don't be fool,this world is maya (fake, illusion ) get out of the circle of life (achieve Mukti)


Ekar Ka Barosa: have faith in this ... body is made of earth ...


The poet beautifully expressed how foolishly we get into the worldly traits and forget that we are mortal ... for being out of this illusion of worldly affairs so praise god and be out of it.

Firefox memory leak issues

I got this from a colleague which was somewhere on internet.
Its been a very common annoyance for all firefox users with huge memory hogging issues
with the application. The newer versions don't fix it. Hope it will be useful to anyone crawling the web.

How to fix Firefox 3 Memory Leak problem

Recently, I have very big problem with my Firefox browser. Few minutes after starting of Firefox application, my Firefox become too slow for surfing, all open applications freeze for two or three seconds after every my click. I noticed that Firefox.exe take up a big part of my computer memory. After reading several forums on the net, I find how to fix this “Firefox memory leak” problem.

Just follow these simple steps to get your Firefox memory usage under control. The solution was in ”about:config” Firefox hidden configuration options.

Get the main configuration screen by putting “about:config” in the browser’s address bar.
Right click on the page and choose New then Integer and create an integer called “browser.cache.memory.capacity”. Set it to a low number (I use 16384 – that means 15MB). This controls how many kilobytes of memory are used for the browser’s cache.
In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “browser.cache.disk.capacity”. Set “browser.cache.disk.capacity” (right click – Modify) to between 5000 or 15000 (I use 15000). For example: if you have 128MB to 512M use 5000, if you have 512BM to 1GB of RAM use 15000. This controls how many kilobytes of memory are used for the browser’s cache.
Configure Firefox to swap memory to disk when minimized. In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “config.trim_on_minimize”, Right click on the page and choose New then Boolean and create an boolean called “config.trim_on_minimize”. Set it to true. This mean – when you minimize the firefox window it will free up memory.
In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “network.prefetch-next”. Set “network.prefetch-next” to false. Network link prefetch will download all pages with the rel=”prefetch” tag, with false you avoid that downloading.
In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “browser.sessionhistory.max_total_viewers”. Set it to low number. I set it to 6. This controls how many pages of history are kept in the back/forward buttons.
Restart Firefox and that’s it! Now, your Firefox and your computer will be much faster and you are ready for faster surfing. Enjoy!

Reference: http://www.detector-pro.com/2008/04/how-to-fix-firefox-memory-leak-problem.html

Toyota Musings

There comes a bumpy ride for Toyota, the leader in North American automobiles per se Cost and Quality. They have been the target of the Government, the media and the consumers for some defect possibly with the floor mat causing acceleration issues with the gas pedal.
Now adding to it, the fault with electrical system for braking. Its brings down Goliath, with all its strength. Toyota is suffering heavily for sales, stocks and reputation.

On close observation, it smells of a collective outrage from media, government and the consumers for something foreign, non-American. Cant say for sure, but reading at comments, it looks like people are still biased with automobiles being American or foreign, despite of themselves experiencing excellent quality from any automobile irrespective of its legacy.

Toyota has stood by its quality standard, I own one and believe it does. I drive a 99 used corolla( 47k miles that time) and now after 40k from me, its still running smooth. I have driven long trips (500-1000 mile) and it never gave me headaches. I only spent on brakes and tires which I believe is normal. Besides that, the vehicle has been even in Snow, Heat.

When people can themselves experience the quality of a product, which speaks for the engineering research gone behind it, why do they speak of GM, just coz its American? Toyota itself claims 65% of its parts are from America. A vehicle should earn the praise if it can win the consumer confidence, not coz it gives one a patriotic sentiment. If GMC really wanted to be a symbol of patriots, it has to speed up on its quality. Honestly, it has exploited the monopolistic favoritism of the Government and results are in front of us.

If Americans want foreign cars to be American, they have to make the system cost effective to get it made locally, not outsource it to cut costs. When there is increasing need for jobs from the masses, its highly sensible for the Government to encourage low-cost manufacturing within the country to justify industrialists to come back.

Poem - Dream of Lord Hanuman

I sit and wonder, at the voice asunder,

Coming from my inner depths, enriched with its ancientness,

the wisdom beyond logic, the magnamity of magic,

the highest concern for humanity, like dripping with divinity,

to save the world from peril, it assures like a christmas carol,

it envelopes me for safety, yet guides me for constant charity,

the visions I perceive, the most cherished for man to receive,

the Lord in his giant form, the youthful white transform,

the beautiful face and pink lips, size filling the township,

adorned with gold ornaments, wearing a red silk garment,

the sun looks near his face, hand holding the mighty mace,

the radiant smile and mighty arms, the form reducing as He approaches my farm,

gentle in voice and pure in speech, I look at him with awe beseech,

The Lord smiles and asks for water, I stand dumb without an answer,

he shows his leg and shows an injury, I can't comprehend this mystery,

I go inside to get some food, he takes a bath in solitude,

I return to see Him riding a bicycle, a jeans and tshirt like a local,

I ask him to eat something, he replies your sisters made an offering,

He bids me goodbye, and I still stand struck with a big why,

Why he came and where he goes, I keep wondering in chaos,

Only when I finish the dream, I get to comprehend the theme,

it was the Lord's blessing, he endowed his vision without my asking,

that increases my faith and devotion, I cry and laugh for ablution,

the grace of the Sadguru, the fruit of my worship,

came to me with full force from the Lord's kingship,

I pray to all to be sincere, the Lord will surely adhere,

To his law of blessing, for the devotee's offering,

He surely is Superman, the Might Lord Hanuman.....

few thoughts

What I am today its a combination of my environment and society. Still, I find I am discovering about myself all the time how individual I am. The love which I feel is so strong in me as a divine gift which connects me so easily with people

is amazing. I cannot give any other logical/rational explanation, that love moves the world. How it restores faith,

gives motivation, and energy to do work. The thoughts also agree with it. And believe me, the whole nature moves with you and works with you if you can connect those strings/threads. They are all in love.

There is nothing more needed than to realise that love will give birth to all other emotions, factors, reasoning and thoughts. The respect, compassion, understanding, maturity, devotion, are all outgrowths of this love. That has been the symbol of all prophets, avatars. That they are nothing else, but pure love.

We go after books, laws, rules, and feel God sitting above is judging them and will punish them. But I feel, as lot of other thinkers and philosophers have emphasized, that God is pure love and compassion. The rules are mechanics of the nature. You be with the nature and all will be fine. You disturb it, and the effects are all reactions from the nature, be it some religious community, some authority or rule-book. When you suffer, its not the God who is punishing you, its an after-effect of your karma, your action. He will only move you out of your suffering. That is the importance of time. That time changes, from suffering to bliss and also from bliss to suffering. Time is also an element of God.

That is philosophy, how science mixes with spirituality. The roots are all the same, only cultures vary due to geography.

All rivers are different, but essence is water, and they all merge in the ocean.

Journeys are always enriching. I donot know why I go from here to there, what purpose lies for it, but in the long run, life unfolds what role it plays, which we call God's leela or enactment.

I have split personalities in me, I can very well see it. Many must have observed it. There is a child in me which is always active, no matter what I say it comes out in the actions, the immaturity and innocence of it, yet the love and playfulness is also contained in it. People respond to it, connect with it.

And yet a disturbed ego resides. It makes me feel in despair, that I walk from one failure to another. That looks for a proof of my capabilities, challenges me. Situations sometimes turn humiliating when things happen from me foolishly. Yet I feel, those are due to the ego which comes in between the child. The negativity also sprouts from it, which tells me "Reality Bites". I try to connect with real world, try to feel depressed, to feel I am lowly, and I have to do my duty. But it all goes in vain, I end up being the child I was, foolish, innocent, playful and carefree of what will happen.

I donot know how long this will continue. I will keep moving from one personality to another. When will I get a balance of being at calm with who I am , and what am I supposed to be.