Firefox memory leak issues

I got this from a colleague which was somewhere on internet.
Its been a very common annoyance for all firefox users with huge memory hogging issues
with the application. The newer versions don't fix it. Hope it will be useful to anyone crawling the web.

How to fix Firefox 3 Memory Leak problem

Recently, I have very big problem with my Firefox browser. Few minutes after starting of Firefox application, my Firefox become too slow for surfing, all open applications freeze for two or three seconds after every my click. I noticed that Firefox.exe take up a big part of my computer memory. After reading several forums on the net, I find how to fix this “Firefox memory leak” problem.

Just follow these simple steps to get your Firefox memory usage under control. The solution was in ”about:config” Firefox hidden configuration options.

Get the main configuration screen by putting “about:config” in the browser’s address bar.
Right click on the page and choose New then Integer and create an integer called “browser.cache.memory.capacity”. Set it to a low number (I use 16384 – that means 15MB). This controls how many kilobytes of memory are used for the browser’s cache.
In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “browser.cache.disk.capacity”. Set “browser.cache.disk.capacity” (right click – Modify) to between 5000 or 15000 (I use 15000). For example: if you have 128MB to 512M use 5000, if you have 512BM to 1GB of RAM use 15000. This controls how many kilobytes of memory are used for the browser’s cache.
Configure Firefox to swap memory to disk when minimized. In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “config.trim_on_minimize”, Right click on the page and choose New then Boolean and create an boolean called “config.trim_on_minimize”. Set it to true. This mean – when you minimize the firefox window it will free up memory.
In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “network.prefetch-next”. Set “network.prefetch-next” to false. Network link prefetch will download all pages with the rel=”prefetch” tag, with false you avoid that downloading.
In the Filter of “about:config” page (top of the page) put “browser.sessionhistory.max_total_viewers”. Set it to low number. I set it to 6. This controls how many pages of history are kept in the back/forward buttons.
Restart Firefox and that’s it! Now, your Firefox and your computer will be much faster and you are ready for faster surfing. Enjoy!

Reference: http://www.detector-pro.com/2008/04/how-to-fix-firefox-memory-leak-problem.html

Toyota Musings

There comes a bumpy ride for Toyota, the leader in North American automobiles per se Cost and Quality. They have been the target of the Government, the media and the consumers for some defect possibly with the floor mat causing acceleration issues with the gas pedal.
Now adding to it, the fault with electrical system for braking. Its brings down Goliath, with all its strength. Toyota is suffering heavily for sales, stocks and reputation.

On close observation, it smells of a collective outrage from media, government and the consumers for something foreign, non-American. Cant say for sure, but reading at comments, it looks like people are still biased with automobiles being American or foreign, despite of themselves experiencing excellent quality from any automobile irrespective of its legacy.

Toyota has stood by its quality standard, I own one and believe it does. I drive a 99 used corolla( 47k miles that time) and now after 40k from me, its still running smooth. I have driven long trips (500-1000 mile) and it never gave me headaches. I only spent on brakes and tires which I believe is normal. Besides that, the vehicle has been even in Snow, Heat.

When people can themselves experience the quality of a product, which speaks for the engineering research gone behind it, why do they speak of GM, just coz its American? Toyota itself claims 65% of its parts are from America. A vehicle should earn the praise if it can win the consumer confidence, not coz it gives one a patriotic sentiment. If GMC really wanted to be a symbol of patriots, it has to speed up on its quality. Honestly, it has exploited the monopolistic favoritism of the Government and results are in front of us.

If Americans want foreign cars to be American, they have to make the system cost effective to get it made locally, not outsource it to cut costs. When there is increasing need for jobs from the masses, its highly sensible for the Government to encourage low-cost manufacturing within the country to justify industrialists to come back.

Poem - Dream of Lord Hanuman

I sit and wonder, at the voice asunder,

Coming from my inner depths, enriched with its ancientness,

the wisdom beyond logic, the magnamity of magic,

the highest concern for humanity, like dripping with divinity,

to save the world from peril, it assures like a christmas carol,

it envelopes me for safety, yet guides me for constant charity,

the visions I perceive, the most cherished for man to receive,

the Lord in his giant form, the youthful white transform,

the beautiful face and pink lips, size filling the township,

adorned with gold ornaments, wearing a red silk garment,

the sun looks near his face, hand holding the mighty mace,

the radiant smile and mighty arms, the form reducing as He approaches my farm,

gentle in voice and pure in speech, I look at him with awe beseech,

The Lord smiles and asks for water, I stand dumb without an answer,

he shows his leg and shows an injury, I can't comprehend this mystery,

I go inside to get some food, he takes a bath in solitude,

I return to see Him riding a bicycle, a jeans and tshirt like a local,

I ask him to eat something, he replies your sisters made an offering,

He bids me goodbye, and I still stand struck with a big why,

Why he came and where he goes, I keep wondering in chaos,

Only when I finish the dream, I get to comprehend the theme,

it was the Lord's blessing, he endowed his vision without my asking,

that increases my faith and devotion, I cry and laugh for ablution,

the grace of the Sadguru, the fruit of my worship,

came to me with full force from the Lord's kingship,

I pray to all to be sincere, the Lord will surely adhere,

To his law of blessing, for the devotee's offering,

He surely is Superman, the Might Lord Hanuman.....

few thoughts

What I am today its a combination of my environment and society. Still, I find I am discovering about myself all the time how individual I am. The love which I feel is so strong in me as a divine gift which connects me so easily with people

is amazing. I cannot give any other logical/rational explanation, that love moves the world. How it restores faith,

gives motivation, and energy to do work. The thoughts also agree with it. And believe me, the whole nature moves with you and works with you if you can connect those strings/threads. They are all in love.

There is nothing more needed than to realise that love will give birth to all other emotions, factors, reasoning and thoughts. The respect, compassion, understanding, maturity, devotion, are all outgrowths of this love. That has been the symbol of all prophets, avatars. That they are nothing else, but pure love.

We go after books, laws, rules, and feel God sitting above is judging them and will punish them. But I feel, as lot of other thinkers and philosophers have emphasized, that God is pure love and compassion. The rules are mechanics of the nature. You be with the nature and all will be fine. You disturb it, and the effects are all reactions from the nature, be it some religious community, some authority or rule-book. When you suffer, its not the God who is punishing you, its an after-effect of your karma, your action. He will only move you out of your suffering. That is the importance of time. That time changes, from suffering to bliss and also from bliss to suffering. Time is also an element of God.

That is philosophy, how science mixes with spirituality. The roots are all the same, only cultures vary due to geography.

All rivers are different, but essence is water, and they all merge in the ocean.

Journeys are always enriching. I donot know why I go from here to there, what purpose lies for it, but in the long run, life unfolds what role it plays, which we call God's leela or enactment.

I have split personalities in me, I can very well see it. Many must have observed it. There is a child in me which is always active, no matter what I say it comes out in the actions, the immaturity and innocence of it, yet the love and playfulness is also contained in it. People respond to it, connect with it.

And yet a disturbed ego resides. It makes me feel in despair, that I walk from one failure to another. That looks for a proof of my capabilities, challenges me. Situations sometimes turn humiliating when things happen from me foolishly. Yet I feel, those are due to the ego which comes in between the child. The negativity also sprouts from it, which tells me "Reality Bites". I try to connect with real world, try to feel depressed, to feel I am lowly, and I have to do my duty. But it all goes in vain, I end up being the child I was, foolish, innocent, playful and carefree of what will happen.

I donot know how long this will continue. I will keep moving from one personality to another. When will I get a balance of being at calm with who I am , and what am I supposed to be.

Vyaaghrapaada maharshi

Shri Krishna Paramaatma’s Deekshaaguru was Upamanyu. His father was Vyaaghrapaada maharshi. Vyaaghrapaada maharshi was an akunthita Shiva deekshaapara and a Shiva bhakti paraayana. He was a shadkaala Shivapuuja-dhurandhara. Vyaaghrapaada Brahmarshi used to goto the aranyas and carefully collect Bilva-dalas, vividha-kusumas, with a lot of prema, for Shiva puuja.

Once Sadaashiva, the Bhaktavatsala, gave His durlabha darshanam to Vyaaghrapaada maharshi. Parama Shiva asked the Brahmarshi to ask for abhiishtam. Vyaaghrapaada maharshi replied “nirantara Shiva bhakti is enough for me”. He had nirmala, nishkaama, nishchala Bhakti on Parameshvara. However Parama Shiva insisted the Brahmarshi to ask for something.

With that Vyaaghrapaada maharshi replied “Karunaamaya! I get Divyaanandam doing Your puuja. Collecting vividha-kusumas, dalas for Your puuja, using them for Your archana — these things give immense aanandam to me. When I try to collect these Vana-dravyas, huge thorns and sharp stones prick and cause pain to me. So make my paadas as kathinam as a Vyaaghra’s”. (In Aadhyaatma tattvam, Vyaaghram represents Moksham) Parama Shiva, with a chiru-mandahaasam, replied “tathaastu”. Vishveshvara was happy with the avyaaja-prema of the Bhakta. Thus the Brahmarshi got the name Vyaaghrapaada.

The great Chidambara Kshetram is known as “Vyaaghrapuri” or “Puliyuur” because Vyaaghrapaada maharshi did Shiva-upaasana here and saw the Divya Shiva Taandavam here. He is the Mantra-drashta of many Mantras in Rug-vedam. The great Paandavas were from Vaiyaaghrapada-gotram, for which Vyaaghrapaada maharshi is the Pravataka.

For Loka-shrayas and to protect Sanaata-Dharmam, Vyaaghrapaada maharshi also wrote “Vyaaghrapaada-smruti”. One can learn about Yuga-dharmas, Aashrama-dharmas, Pinda pradaana – Pitru tarpana Mahaatmyam, Teertha-Kshetra praashastyam, Shraaddhaadi Vignyaanam, Abhisheka, Snaana vidhis etc., by reading this Mahaa-grantham:

1. On seeing a Deva-pratima, a Yati, a Sanyaasi, immediately one must do Namaskaaram. If one doesnt thenpraayashchittam is required.
2. When doing Namaskaaram one must do Yathaavidhi by folding both the hands. If one does with one hand, then he will loose all the Punyam which he earned in that janma.

Like this many simple, nevertheless important things are discussed in this Shaastram.

Little Brother

A good read

http://craphound.com/littlebrother/Cory_Doctorow_-_Little_Brother.htm

NCERT Books

For all those who studied under CBSE in their schools, here is a link to PDF versions of all NCERT textbooks from Class I to Class XII.

The official NCERT texts are at
http://www.ncert.nic.in/textbooks/testing/Index.htm

An alternate hosting for all PDF versions are at

http://ncertbooks.prashanthellina.com/

An interesting read.

Questions from God

what good is this life, a purposeless strife,
how to know my self, when its all yourself,
the doer and the deed, one and the same creed,
the mechanics of work, all lost in this cirque,
fighting for my individuality, its only your manifest divinity,
they say I grow and learn, how could it be a discern,
when the soul is all I am, the body is a sham
the start meets the end, the journey only to pretend,
that I grew old and wise, it was my eternal youth and devise

Coping with Job Loss and Depression

It keeps haunting me to know about my present state. I lost my job due to financial trouble of my employer and not just me, lot of others were laid off. Its a testing time for lot of people in the harsh economy. But being an outsider, things are more difficult for us to maintain our status and our finances. The reluctance of many employers to sponsor H1 and the cost-cutting in practice in present economy makes the teething problems even bigger.  Then there is the fear of losing out on time and running out of money. There is a psychological inhibition to stop looking at interest and passion and go with whatever comes in my plate. Everyone hopes of better days ahead with change of presidency and the new year, but no one can say how long it will take for the economy to rebound. The questions of returning back to the home country also puzzles, as there is uncertainty of job prospects back there and losing out on the opportunity to work and earn in US. There is a route to pursue desi consulting firms, but those are also narrow due to fewer projects.

Lot of students like me who come for Masters have the same complaint of a dearth of opportunities in academics and career field due to the security clearance restrictions. There is bitterness in Americans for losing their jobs to outsiders due to costs and the extra competition.

Where are the scientific and academic curiosities of the students? Is education also just like a business for universities to boost their economies. What do we eventually gain with higher education if we cannot pursue alternate career paths and get food for our academic hunger. 

Why "survival of the fittest" always reigns? 

First Picnic in the Woods

I wrote this essay in the Creative Writing class, of my memories of a trip when I was 9 years old.


We were all so excited whenever we made our annual trip to nanny's home. It always meant escaping from the hustle and bustleof city life, and enjoy the tranquility and warmth of rural suburbs. This time it was even more exciting. My uncles decidedto take all family on a picnic trip. They would hunt in groups for deers and rabbits and the kids and ladies would be indoors.The guesthouse was a hundred miles from our house, and we commuted in jeeps. All men carrier guns, a mark of pride for the warrior caste, and to protect us all from the dangers of the woods. The guesthouse was surrounded by the Shipavara river fromthree sides and had a small entrance through slipper rocks. We all carefully walked towards it but one of the aunts slipped and created an amusement among the kids.We all arranged beddings and clothes inside and rushed out for a bath in the river. Small fishes created giggles when they touched our legs. On returning, the ladies had ignited a fire on dried cow dung cakes and wood, preparing baked wheat balls and lentil soup. The gents had left early and returned with a few rabbits. We also paid a visit to a temple nearby and hurriedly returned to eat something. Soon dusk took over, and the villagers helped us with a burning pyre. The men were on guard, on the watch for wild animals and mysterious tribals, They were known to be cannibals.Wr could hear voices in groups approaching from the dark jungle, but no one dared to come near to us. The bags were packed early in the morning and after a refreshing bath, we started our ride back towards the home.

Spring Season

It has been a while, that I saw a smile,
on the creatures around me, weary due to winter's treachery,
buds anxious to blossom, kids eager to kill boredom,
the birds welcome for the spring, the Sun's noble radiant offering,
the chatter around the corners, the mothers' preaching their daughters,
the early morning games, the hurried reluctant tames,
leaves ready for flourishing, the trees giving us a blessing,
students ready for adventures, teachers wishing early departures,
the dogs anxious to mate, the lovers ready to celebrate,
the winds give a sweet chanting, the river forms a new offspring,
the fruits ripe with enigmatic fragrance, the forests opening their conscience,
the sky enjoys the beauty of earth, the earth amazed at the stars' mirth,
the night shrinks from the day's zeal, the day amplifies on the night's veil,
the streets blush with the sudden rush, the markets full with goods' plush,
the spirits high with the rise of day, the farmers making more of hay,
girls wish as they go for a swing, what if every season is a spring.

A poem I wrote for Creative Writing Class

I wait for her, since eternity,

to give me back my lost identity,

The time I have spent, alone in this world,

let loose like an insane bull, in this untrustworthy world.

The feeling of despair which haunts me, draining from me my blood and dignity

The truth which I seek outside, which I cannot keep up with inside,

The love which I give away freely, and yet cannot find for me easily

I question the need for you, and learn it hard that I am dead without you.

How long should I wait to start this life, half of it I have already lost in strife

To make some use of my mind and soul, I want you now to reach my goal.

The child in me who does not grow, and the man in me which I want to know,

I pray for your arrival, in my abject survival

To give a new breath in me, so I can feel at home within me,

To illuminate my lonely journey, I long for your cherished company,

My heart finally learns the solution, that only in you can I find ablution

my efforts which have gone in vain, now I want them to attain

the eternal purpose of life, I wish dearly for you my would be wife.

Hymn to the Lord

My father wrote some small couplets in Urdu/Hindi which I liked a lot and I submitted in my Creative Writing class. Here is that poem

Of what can we say about this game,
His are the eyes, and Himself is what He sees,
wonder what the game He plays,where the Player Himself plays.
Why run away from this life, it is but His manifestation,
preserve it safely O people, its' devotion is His devotion.
Because He dwells in it, and He is Himself it.
One more sin, never mind,
In the sins also, it is You I find.
You are the Doer, and the Compeller,
I do not exist, since upon myself there is no trust
How long shall we hide our sins, that hiding them are also sins,
We keep moving, sins keep happening.
Distances increase, neither us nor they cease
We dont see anything else
it is a treasure that we are in Your vision
The earnest prayer is to have Your vision.

Alternate Oil Solution and Peace

Imagine,

If US did not have to force to sell its soul and invade Iraq. Just for
Oil, and create further bitterness in the already hostile world. US the
international policeman, tainting its image with rape of Virtues, with

its false claim of overthrow of Saddam's regime. Just for the sake of
Oil to run their greedy economy.

There was a better ending if these so called Patriots could have spend
some more time on the restoration of Global Peace and solution for the

Oil problem.

Russia was sidestepped by the Cold War, just to curb spread of Communism
in the West. Russia has vast oil reserves, but it could not sustain the
political turmoils and the West's aloofness. There was economic

depression and people lost faith in their leaders. A vast land with
plenty of natural reserves went untapped and wasted with no plans and
support from the Global powers.

If US could have matured from its Anti-Communist infancy, it could have

taken a moral responsibility to reconstruct Russia, just like
Perestroika , Gorbachev's vision of reforms for Russia. That made sense
for US to attract contracts and funding for its domestic firms for the

vast untapped Russian provinces. In return, Russia could have been the
biggest collaborator for the US oil needs. There would have been a
symbiotic growth for both the economies, with an entry into the Russian
culture. So much oil would have been saved from burning in the Gulf.

Leave alone the vicinity of US and Russia on the globe, further
simplifying the movement of Oil across Alaska and the Pacific.

And US would have won the trust of the whole world in its legitmacy of
the International Policeman, the commitment for Global Peace and Growth.

A memorable job experience

My memorable Work Experience



I will never get a festival to celebrate in this job. Holidays seem like a misnomer in this 24-by-7

work profile. We work six days a week only a day off in the week and there are no leaves for

national holidays. It is because we manage a network and services, which are critical for

customers, and they cannot tolerate downtimes. We get compensated with a shift allowance,

which we are told is like a bonus, though it seems like an excuse to justify our petty salaries as

engineers.

I returned from engineering studies in June of 2000 and start to get restless about getting a

relevant job. I am nervous with the technical interviews as I have no experience and no idea

what they expect from fresh graduates. I took a Cisco certification, to learn how do they run

networks over the internet. Co-incidentally and surprisingly, as soon as I pass my exam, I get a

call for the interview. I go excitedly, with some nervousness, doing whatever research I can

about this newly launched firm in India.

My interviewer is the General Manager of the Technical operations, who looks strict and

increases my anxiety with his stern appearance. He grills me on engineering basics, rejects all

my answers further enveloping me into a circle of doubt on my knowledge level, and finally

forwards me to his subordinate for another round of interview. That turns out to be a piece of

cake as he sounds more considerate to my being a novice. I get selected and am asked to start

work the next day.

We are asked to start learning as we handle technical problems, making me realise there would

be no induction training. The supervisor briefs us over shift rotation in our working hours to

prepare us for the weekly juggle. We will work in rotations of mornings, evenings and nights

with a day off after six days. Morover, at times of catastrophies, engineers can be contacted at

any hour of the day and might even be asked to return to office.

Our workplace is spread one level below the ground, isolating us from the turmoils going on

outside, transmitting us in between a jungle of servers, wires and technology. We start the day

with chaos and end it with a never ending commotion. We have to keep learning, do repetitive

tasks, keep monitoring to ensure we are never offline. You also need to realise, its a team work

and how well you go with your colleagues, will make or break your day.

We service dial up internet access, as well as leased lines for corporate customers. We need to

administer unix servers, routers, switches and all internetworking gear. We run network pipes

cris crossing the city from all telephone exchanges, letting users dial a phone number to ring one

of our bank of modems at our data centre and get internet access. Those who want more

bandwidth, run dedicated leased lines to our center, and we manage, control and monitor them.

On technical problems, we also have to make visits to customer sites, to troubleshoot network

problems. Gradually, we also start to cater wireless bridges and access points, as a cost effective

option, for distantly located offices.

An essay i wrote describing a family photo

Its a hot Sunday morning and my father is full of energy and vigor for his precious
holiday; the day he can relax with his family and immerse himself into the world politics.
This picture expresses his warmth, his love and affection for me and my sister, his proud
possessions. He has just finished with his favorite morning passion, shaving , upon which he spends
almost two hours on holidays. He is forced to restrict himself to half an hour on weekdays due to
office rush. He has an inexpensive pair of spectacles since he keeps breaking them, and thoughtfully
decided on having multiple cheap ones, rather than one expensive. His jaw bone below the chin shows
an indentation, distinctly visible on his face. As I recall from a description from him, it was a
childhood accident when he fell from a wall during renovation work at the home. Kids are used to
having fun and carelessness creeps in the form of unexpected accidents. He had to go for an
emergency surgery which resulted in the loss of the bone below the chin. He also got an impact on his
eye weakening his far-sight and restricting him to glasses at an early age. It caused him terrible pain in
intaking food for a long time due to the unsatisfactory nature of the surgery in the poor post-
independence era in rural India. He could not speak much and eat enough resulting in a low body
weight and inadequate strength for sports. He confined most of his time to books and extensive reading
to pursue his academic vision. He later excelled in science and became the first student in the whole
district to acquire a Doctoral degree in Physics.
On his right arm is my sister, naughty as she looks with those mischievous eyes, and fond of
that torn dilapidated old stole of our mother, which she delightfully adorns despite our mother's
countless urges to discard. On my father's left arm is me, dried eyes of tears, after being teased and
beaten by my sister. She overpowers me for being younger and she teases me for being so dark
compared to her white complexion. To avoid any further contemplation, our father has to break in to
settle the perennial dispute. Mom is busy preparing the morning breakfast, or rather brunch and does
not like to be bothered with us. The picture is missing our elder sister, who due to her age has become
serious and composed. This photograph also exhibits the changing times when the younger ones grab
the attention what the elder enjoyed individually, for being the single point of affection and center of
attraction. She starts missing the child in her due to the obvious responsibility of being the eldest and
tries to enjoy the atmosphere en wrapped around us.
My dad settles the dispute and also manages to reunite us, for another round of teasing and
quarrel. He prepares the dining area for the brunch while mom starts to serve tea.

Guru Nanak and Sikhism

I got some interest and read about the life of Guru Nanak and the other Sikh Gurus. I learnt a lot about the Sikh sacrifices and stories of their courage. It was heart rendering to read about the Guru Tegh Bahadur and his disciples Bhai Mati Das and others who were brutally tortured in Delhi, Chandni Chowk by orders of Mughal emperor Aurnagzeb just because they refused to convert to Islam. Shri Guru Tegh Bahadur was approached by Kashmiri Hindus to save them from the wrath of Aurangzeb who was forcing conversion to Islam or death. To protect them, the Guru asked the emperor to first convert him before asking the Hindus to be converted. Aurangzeb gave the Guru two options, either convert to Islam or show a miracle like a prophet or face death. The Guru refused the first two options saying every human being must have the freedom to practice the faith and religion of his choice and the Islamic way of living is not the only way to reach God. Neither did he accept to perform miracles as they are a way of disobeying Nature's law of natural occurances. He chose to die instead as he had the faith that he is one with the Almighty and losing his body will not affect him. On the Guru's statement, his Disciples, Bhai Mati Das and others also declared that they will prefer dying than changing their religion. On these statements, Aurangzeb had them brutally killed. Bhai Mati Das was sawed in half from head to waist. Another was fried in boiling oil. Guru Tegh Bahadur was beheaded.
And all this Aurangzeb ordered only on his personal tyrannical beliefs of Islam which were no where found in the religion.
The brutalities from the Muslim emperors, resulted in the Gurus forming the Khalsa to fight and defend their community.
Then I read about the 1975 emergency and the ordering by Indira Gandhi to attack the Golden Temple to arrest Jarnail Singh Bhindranwale, many were killed by that shootout. It resulted in the assassination of Indira Gandhi by two Sikh bodyguards. That was even more heart rendering that it resulted in the riots and attack on Sikh families through North India mainly in Delhi and Punjab on the orders of the Congress Party. 25000 Sikhs were killed in Delhi alone and I recall I was 6 yrs old in 1984 when our neighbors house was torched and attacked by Hindu mob, mostly government school students paid and aggravated by Congress party members. I saw a documentary on the Sikh genocide of 1984 on video.google.com which depicted how brutal the massacre was, how everyone ignored the whole process, that it was planned and even the Police was deliberately not taking any actions to prevent it. The documentary also showed the widows of the Sikhs killed in that massacre now running small sewing institutions to support themselves. Their life is destroyed with no purpose left and no one to care for them. I understand that is the reason for the alienation of the Sikh community from the Indian soil when they are settling in Canada and England and asking for a Khalistan. The ironical part is the ministers responsible for executing the genocide operation have been reelected in Delhi ( Sajjan Kumar, J.D.Tytler and Kamal Nath) and no criminal action has been taken against them.
The ideals of the Sikh religion are fabulous and must be taken as a higher form of the Hindu religion with its religious superstitions removed just like Buddhism. Still there is so many differences in the Hindu and the Sikh religion.
The same should be said about Islam, that it has been blackened by the brutalities of tyrannical rulers, and the Sufism from Islam has almost vanished.

my confusions

It has been long going in my mind, that I have not been able to sort out my purpose of studies. The time I waited for eagerly for years to go for a Masters degree, came in 2004 when I joined USC. There were so many aspirations, thoughts, excitement and enthusiasm to learn and get a job. It all came to a disaster when I struggled with maths. There was so much interest to learn DSP. It all came down bad when I could not sort out my study method. I could not memorise stuff, could not retain understanding. I kept changing my ways to learn, but did not stick to one. I admit I did not resort to hardwork of solving problems which was one of the main reasons of not able to write exams. After the grades, I was disappointed and decided not to go further in DSP. I resorted to relating it to what I know industrially. But I did not have control over my subjects. I always wanted to take an OS class, but foolishly enough I could not do the projects in C++. I just lost the whole purpose of taking that class. Same thing happened with Multimedia class. It was very interesting, but I could not take control of it. Projects, I did with help of friends, exams I struggled with. It again defeated the purpose to an extent. But in a sense I learnt stuff and had exposure to so many technologies. Same thing happened with EE522. Its an A class, no work to do other than experiments, and a paper presentation, there also I goofed up. Professor was understanding, maybe he was disappointed but he gave me a B, most of the guys got an A. Again, I should have taken advantage of the class to get grades like others. At this stage I must have realised, this place is not meant for testing, take courses only when you are confident you can manage them especially when you know grades do affect your GPA. But even after an internship which was a boon to me, I still took heavy courses. I resorted to this reasoning, that since I cannot take Communications track ( random and other courses) I have to definitely take the computer networks track. I thought I must take CS551 to learn network programming and also had to take ee550. I was aware of my performance in cs402 where I did not work on the projects, still I took the chance of taking 551. It again turned out to be defeat of purpose if I did not do the project by myself. I had to take help from Paresh to a significant extent. I submitted late, was not able to study effectively for papers, and got poor grades. A disaster was ee550, when I just could not tackle the homeworks. It should have made me realise in the beginning that if probability was not my cup of tea in 1st sem, I must not take the same course again. After three semesters at USC, I still cannot say I was able to take control of even a single course. My diversion from DSP to networks track, again questions me if I cannot still be comfortable on software projects. The same fears which were there in my mind at the beginning are questioning me again. I was running away from Maths, but did it solve my purpose?
It looks good on my resume that I have taken very interesting courses at USC, but can I say I know all that stuff, No! I have lost self respect among friends. My GPA is bad and I am at a situation, where I may have to discontinue the MS program. More of all, I am taking extra courses to pass out. Who pays for all that money, my sister, father. Did education really help me? Was I sincere and honest? No, definitely not.
The same question comes back to me, you did not take use of the golden opportunity given to you.
At this stage, I am still perplexed, I always have this problem in taking decisions. I still cannot look confidentally at joining the industry, and still look foolish at academics. I feel guilty of making a fool of myself. On a positive side, I have learnt lot of useful stuff, and am better prepared to face my career ahead. But on principles of sincerity, hard work and truth, I am a failure. If I cannot do a tough assignment why take the course. If I want to accept a challenge, why not make efforts to complete it.
There are thousands who are deprived of such a chance to learn, grow and utilise an opportunity. I wonder, why am I not afraid of my situation at present. When it comes to speaking, I can impress anyone.
Why not then I also demonstrate my work. Why not be fair and honest with your work.

Asking questions from Professors

There are thousands of doubts, numerous insecurities for a student to get his best output from a university experience. It is very critical to understand the education model and the strategy. I have always been confused and bewildered by the right strategy. When we take a class under a particular professor, the first thing which is in our mind at the top is to get the best grade and hence keep a good impression on the prof. Then we personally assess the professor as a person and then rate him whether he is approachable, whether you can ask questions to him what you want to and whether he would be able to give you the key answers to what u are looking for.
But still the important point is to not just keep thinking/deciding and approaching the professor. He may not be able to revert with the precise answer but he would greatly benefit you in clearing your doubts and relieving u off your anxieties.
I have till now interacted with 8 professors and everyone in one or the other way has influenced me and impressed me with his knowledge, his attitude and some have disappointed on certain aspects I had expectations as a student.
Now the question and the reason comes to me how well I was able to channel the professor's work to my benefit, to learn and to grasp the topic. Definitely, homework is crucial and method to find your way out of the jargon.
I put up these questions to myself? How will did I utilize my university experience?
Did I give it my best shot in taking control of my subject?
Did I put up questions properly to the instructor?
In what way did I communicate with the instructor, was it only on my personal internal way, or did I also make the professor notice my thirst to gain knowledge.
Then I get baffled, who all should I contact.
Prof Leahy who taught me DSP in 1st sem, who had been marvellous in his job but I got a poor grade. What questions can I put up to him now which he can answer back. I decided to revert back to Networks as I found DSP too mathematical, and multimedia also interested me. Somehow I could relate to VOIP through this. I have been looking for convergence, where I can learn both aspects of telecom and networking.
Then the second prof I am highly influenced by is Crowley. His style of teaching and his attitude is amazing. He is very genuine, lively and puts in his soul in teaching.
Then prof Havaldar, who taught me something I was looking for as a course, multimedia. It makes the most meaning for VOIP where you can relate the two disciplines together.

Meeting Gurudev

It was the fall of 1995. My father who is a scientist is also very fond of spirituality and religious topics talks about a Gurudev near Delhi where he plans to go. His friend in the colony has been there and tells a lot about his experience in Ramghat, 135kms from Delhi in Uttar Pradesh. My father makes a weekend visit to Ramghat along with Mr. Rajpal. He comes back and tells us a lot about how he felt and what he experienced. Me, my sisters got highly curious to know more as my father told about the miraculous ability of the devotees there to communicate with deities and with spirits. We grow each minute with excitement and become desperate to go there. Since we did not have a four wheeler, the three of us, along with our father went to the Bus Terminal ISBT to catch the 8:30 am bus to Ramghat. The ticket is cheap, a journey a bit uncomfortable due to the miserable roads in UP. The trip took us 4 hours. Ramghat is located near to the famous Narora Atomic Power Station. The road becomes smooth like a carpet as you Narora. The village welcomes us with a storm of mud due to kuchha roads. Bus first goes through a narrow bridge over a tributary of River Ganges. Finally it came to a halt at the bus stop. We had no problems in reaching the Ashram as my father had already been there. There is no proper road in the whole village. Made up of bricks or mud, travelling is very inconvenient but you also get to like the smell of fresh mud. We reach the entrance to the Ashram, and noticed Gurudev is resting on the right with few people around him. He has a magnetic face with white beard, moustache and hair till his shoulders. He smiles when he sees us and people near him chorused Jai Nanua Ki (Praise Nanua). We also replied and our father asked us to touch his feet to show our respect. He welcomed us and gave a warm thumping on our back. He addressed my father as Doctor Saheb, what brings you here again. My father replied, I was grateful to have a chance to meet you and the children also got highly interested in meeting you. Nanua laughed and replied what do you find in this backward village. He asks our names, my sister Aparna, Pragya and me Bhuvanesh. He admires what beautiful names and asks us about what we are doing. Then he gets up and goes inside the room. Meanwhile the people sitting there comment, you have arrived at the right place, he has the solution to everyone's problems.
Nanua returns with steel glasses in his hands. It had tea in them. He distributes tea among us and takes one for himself. He asks one of the men sitting to ignite incense sticks. He asks him to find who is the Ishta Deva of three of us. Istha is supposed to be the Hindu God/Goddess who is responsible for our birth.We must worship our Istha Deva for best results and propserity. The man closes his eyes and starts to concentrate. He replies, Nanua, for Aparna, Goddess Kali has arrived. For Pragya, Goddess Durga and for Bhuvanesh Lord Hanuman. Nanua smiles and asks us who do we usually worship at home. I replied that I have always worshipped Hanuman on Tuesdays and Saturdays. My sisters also replied that not in any particular routine, but they worship Goddess Durga. Nanua smiles, and says very nice and asks the man, ask them why are the children suffering and what reasons are there for there problems. The man replied Nanua, I can see their sins. I can see an old lady weeping and bent due to a back pain for Aparna. Nanua asks what is she saying. Man: she says I was her mother in law and she threw me out of the house and beat me with sticks. I died in all pain. Nanua says, that was a different birth now this child is ignorant of her sin and forgive her. Nanua asks my sister to ask for forgiveness. Nanua asks the man, what is the old lady asking for. Man replied, she wants food in thali and a sari and is pointing to her back. Nanua lifts his hand and says, Nanua please mend her broken back and give her peace. He asks my sister to grab a thali from inside put some food in it from the kitchen and hands her a white saari. When she returns, Nanua asks her to offer this all to the old lady and ask for forgiveness. The man replied, Nanua she is eating, has taken the saari and is going.
Nanua explains, you see how sins are affecting us. That lady from a previous birth has been suffering waiting for her salvation and is causing troubles in Aparna's life to take her revenge.This is all a game of revenge. Give and Take. You harm someone, and it will come back to you. Across births, sins are carried and will not leave you until they find peace. It was a practical demonstration of the immortality of the soul as mentioned in BhagvadGita and our scriptures. Nanua says, Man has fourteen human births to reach his goal, to again mix into God and then a cycle of 8.4 million species. Each birth, is defined by the deeds in the previous.
Nanua asked us to prepare for a bath in Ganges. This was a must for all arrivees. We carried our clothes and walked along with Nanua towards Ganges. The path leads from within the village market where most of the shops are selling either sweets or material useful for worship for River Ganges. There are many festivals throughout the year when people from nearby villages come to Ramghat for a dip in the Ganges and worship. Ramghat is unique in the confluence of multiple tributaries of Ganges. The main Ganges is the Ram Ganga coming from Haridwar. A tributary known as Baan Ganga meets this flow at Ramghat.
We purchased sweets, fresh milk and powdered sugar from the market. On reaching Ganges, Nanua asks us to ignite incense sticks to meditate on Mother Ganges and offer her sweets. She will wash us of our sins of eating onion/garlic. It is believed eating Onion/Garlic is not advisable as it leads to impure thoughts. Nanua also explained that Onion is composed of shells and a vey thin fibrous layer in between which does not get digested in the body. These minute pieces of the fibre get settled on the blood capillcaries and slows down the blood flow. This over long duration gives rise to various diseases. By offering milk to Ganga, we can wash away our sins and find solace. The dip was soothing. We felt very light and relaxed. Nanua teaches us we should not make Ganga impure and never urinate. River is sacred and considered full of life. Upon impuring it, we invite body diseases and pain.
We can also relate this to keeping our water bodies clean as its the lifeline of any civilization.
We returned from the trip back to the Ashram. Nanuaji reminds us to be cautious with our belongings as monkeys are very mischievous. After settling down, we start asking questions from the people sitting around while Nanua gets some barley flour and kneads it. He himself prepared chapatis on a steel tava heated by wood logs. He offers the chapatis to us along with Spicy spinach dish. Food is delicious and I am amazed by his down-to-earth nature and hospitality. After eating we all wash our utensils with sand. Nanua asks us to take a nap to get some rest. After waking up, it is getting dark, there is a distant sound of music in the local village dialect. The birds are returning to their nests on the tamarind tree above us and there is lot of noise from monkeys fighting and running atop us on the teenshade. Nanua is talking to some local villagers and discussing their problems. A man has come from the village on the other side of Ganga and is complaining that his buffalo is not giving milk. Villagers are generally farmers or milkman and that is their bread and butter. Buying a buffalo is costly and he will not get any money if he doesn't sell the milk every morning in the local market. Such problems seem trivial but poor people's lives revolve around them. They are usually illiterate. Nanua asks him to ignite three incense sticks in front of the buffalo, meditate upon Nanua and ask to make it healthy and fit.
Nanua offers him food and sweets for his children. The man goes with hope. Nanua is preparing the havan kund( fire place for worship). He places cow dung cakes and wood logs and ignites. He asks us to come near the kund and take havan samagri( made from cow dung powder, wood, spices) to offer to fire on mantra. Fire is the most sacred forms of matter and is believed the medium to offer food to the deities. Ghee( butter from cow/buffaloe) is also used. Nanua explains, it is not just the Gods/Goddesses that are to be pleased, you also have to please your sins, the unsatisfied souls through this medium. Nanua chants the mantra and we offer the samagri in fire.
After finishing all the samagri we wash our hands, distribute the remaining sweets in between all people sitting and get back to Nanua. Nanua is relaxing on a jute bed and a devotee is massaging his feet.
Nanua says, the world is busy in worshipping all gods/goddesses forgetting that they are themselves one. We all are Gods, we are the characters of Ramayana, Mahabharata. Its that we have forgotten our self that we are suffering. And in the worshipping no one realises the inportance of sins. They are actually to be worshipped. No God/Goddess can come near you, can help you when you have a sin upon you. That dissatisfied soul has the priority to complete its balance from you. That is the law of the nature. As you convict a criminal of an offence/crime, so does the law judges you for the solution/judgement. You may get saved by worship, your saviour God may protect you from complete ruin, but only till an extent. They are also helpless in front of the sin as its the law. So you must also worship your sins as you worship all deities, since if they will be satisfied, peace will automatically come to you.
And what role do I play for you, I am Chaprasi ( peon). Like a peon sits at the door of an officer and a visitor has to ask him to meet the officer, similarly I am the medium to communicate with the higher world. Nothing more. And what does Nanua mean? It means Om, the most common name in Hindus. If you write Nanua in Hindi with the alphabets on top of other, it becomes Om. In the same way, writing Chaprasi makes Shree, also symbolic of divinity. So Om becomes the soul and Shree becomes the Body. It is the combined role of the body and the soul to complete the journey towards the salvation.Myself as Nanua is just a human being, the universal Nanua which exists in all of us, like Om, is the ultimate saviour. All Gods/Goddesses are also limited forms of Om, like all of us, but the omnipresent, the ever vibrant in all life and universe is Om, Nanua.