Coping with Job Loss and Depression

It keeps haunting me to know about my present state. I lost my job due to financial trouble of my employer and not just me, lot of others were laid off. Its a testing time for lot of people in the harsh economy. But being an outsider, things are more difficult for us to maintain our status and our finances. The reluctance of many employers to sponsor H1 and the cost-cutting in practice in present economy makes the teething problems even bigger.  Then there is the fear of losing out on time and running out of money. There is a psychological inhibition to stop looking at interest and passion and go with whatever comes in my plate. Everyone hopes of better days ahead with change of presidency and the new year, but no one can say how long it will take for the economy to rebound. The questions of returning back to the home country also puzzles, as there is uncertainty of job prospects back there and losing out on the opportunity to work and earn in US. There is a route to pursue desi consulting firms, but those are also narrow due to fewer projects.

Lot of students like me who come for Masters have the same complaint of a dearth of opportunities in academics and career field due to the security clearance restrictions. There is bitterness in Americans for losing their jobs to outsiders due to costs and the extra competition.

Where are the scientific and academic curiosities of the students? Is education also just like a business for universities to boost their economies. What do we eventually gain with higher education if we cannot pursue alternate career paths and get food for our academic hunger. 

Why "survival of the fittest" always reigns? 

First Picnic in the Woods

I wrote this essay in the Creative Writing class, of my memories of a trip when I was 9 years old.


We were all so excited whenever we made our annual trip to nanny's home. It always meant escaping from the hustle and bustleof city life, and enjoy the tranquility and warmth of rural suburbs. This time it was even more exciting. My uncles decidedto take all family on a picnic trip. They would hunt in groups for deers and rabbits and the kids and ladies would be indoors.The guesthouse was a hundred miles from our house, and we commuted in jeeps. All men carrier guns, a mark of pride for the warrior caste, and to protect us all from the dangers of the woods. The guesthouse was surrounded by the Shipavara river fromthree sides and had a small entrance through slipper rocks. We all carefully walked towards it but one of the aunts slipped and created an amusement among the kids.We all arranged beddings and clothes inside and rushed out for a bath in the river. Small fishes created giggles when they touched our legs. On returning, the ladies had ignited a fire on dried cow dung cakes and wood, preparing baked wheat balls and lentil soup. The gents had left early and returned with a few rabbits. We also paid a visit to a temple nearby and hurriedly returned to eat something. Soon dusk took over, and the villagers helped us with a burning pyre. The men were on guard, on the watch for wild animals and mysterious tribals, They were known to be cannibals.Wr could hear voices in groups approaching from the dark jungle, but no one dared to come near to us. The bags were packed early in the morning and after a refreshing bath, we started our ride back towards the home.

Spring Season

It has been a while, that I saw a smile,
on the creatures around me, weary due to winter's treachery,
buds anxious to blossom, kids eager to kill boredom,
the birds welcome for the spring, the Sun's noble radiant offering,
the chatter around the corners, the mothers' preaching their daughters,
the early morning games, the hurried reluctant tames,
leaves ready for flourishing, the trees giving us a blessing,
students ready for adventures, teachers wishing early departures,
the dogs anxious to mate, the lovers ready to celebrate,
the winds give a sweet chanting, the river forms a new offspring,
the fruits ripe with enigmatic fragrance, the forests opening their conscience,
the sky enjoys the beauty of earth, the earth amazed at the stars' mirth,
the night shrinks from the day's zeal, the day amplifies on the night's veil,
the streets blush with the sudden rush, the markets full with goods' plush,
the spirits high with the rise of day, the farmers making more of hay,
girls wish as they go for a swing, what if every season is a spring.

A poem I wrote for Creative Writing Class

I wait for her, since eternity,

to give me back my lost identity,

The time I have spent, alone in this world,

let loose like an insane bull, in this untrustworthy world.

The feeling of despair which haunts me, draining from me my blood and dignity

The truth which I seek outside, which I cannot keep up with inside,

The love which I give away freely, and yet cannot find for me easily

I question the need for you, and learn it hard that I am dead without you.

How long should I wait to start this life, half of it I have already lost in strife

To make some use of my mind and soul, I want you now to reach my goal.

The child in me who does not grow, and the man in me which I want to know,

I pray for your arrival, in my abject survival

To give a new breath in me, so I can feel at home within me,

To illuminate my lonely journey, I long for your cherished company,

My heart finally learns the solution, that only in you can I find ablution

my efforts which have gone in vain, now I want them to attain

the eternal purpose of life, I wish dearly for you my would be wife.

Hymn to the Lord

My father wrote some small couplets in Urdu/Hindi which I liked a lot and I submitted in my Creative Writing class. Here is that poem

Of what can we say about this game,
His are the eyes, and Himself is what He sees,
wonder what the game He plays,where the Player Himself plays.
Why run away from this life, it is but His manifestation,
preserve it safely O people, its' devotion is His devotion.
Because He dwells in it, and He is Himself it.
One more sin, never mind,
In the sins also, it is You I find.
You are the Doer, and the Compeller,
I do not exist, since upon myself there is no trust
How long shall we hide our sins, that hiding them are also sins,
We keep moving, sins keep happening.
Distances increase, neither us nor they cease
We dont see anything else
it is a treasure that we are in Your vision
The earnest prayer is to have Your vision.

Alternate Oil Solution and Peace

Imagine,

If US did not have to force to sell its soul and invade Iraq. Just for
Oil, and create further bitterness in the already hostile world. US the
international policeman, tainting its image with rape of Virtues, with

its false claim of overthrow of Saddam's regime. Just for the sake of
Oil to run their greedy economy.

There was a better ending if these so called Patriots could have spend
some more time on the restoration of Global Peace and solution for the

Oil problem.

Russia was sidestepped by the Cold War, just to curb spread of Communism
in the West. Russia has vast oil reserves, but it could not sustain the
political turmoils and the West's aloofness. There was economic

depression and people lost faith in their leaders. A vast land with
plenty of natural reserves went untapped and wasted with no plans and
support from the Global powers.

If US could have matured from its Anti-Communist infancy, it could have

taken a moral responsibility to reconstruct Russia, just like
Perestroika , Gorbachev's vision of reforms for Russia. That made sense
for US to attract contracts and funding for its domestic firms for the

vast untapped Russian provinces. In return, Russia could have been the
biggest collaborator for the US oil needs. There would have been a
symbiotic growth for both the economies, with an entry into the Russian
culture. So much oil would have been saved from burning in the Gulf.

Leave alone the vicinity of US and Russia on the globe, further
simplifying the movement of Oil across Alaska and the Pacific.

And US would have won the trust of the whole world in its legitmacy of
the International Policeman, the commitment for Global Peace and Growth.